Time: < 1 Hour

STEP 1: Think about a conversation that you need to have with someone that might be frustrating, sensitive, or emotionally charged. Has someone recently said something to you that you found offensive or problematic? Or have you said something that you regret and would like to make amends. Be honest with yourself and forgive yourself or the person who said something hurtful. Remember we all make mistakes and it’s important to admit them and to forgive others and ourselves. 

STEP 2: Write down what you would like to say – what points you want to get across, specific words or phrases that you DO and DON’T want to use. Write down as much as you’d like, as you’ll be editing this page before you have the discussion. Don’t pressure yourself to write or stick to a script—allow yourself the opportunity to write down how you feel and to speak freely and organically when you have the actual conversation.

STEP 3: Ask someone to role-play a difficult conversation with you. Role-playing gives you the opportunity to practice your skills and interactions before being “live” in an important conversation. This provides you a safe place to prepare for your responses, which will increase your confidence before the interaction.

Consider asking you Human Resources person at work, your spouse, close friend, co-worker, or counselor/therapist. Ask them to give you very specific feedback (i.e. what they liked/didn’t like, what increased or decreased their blood pressure, if there were any highly emotional words or tone used that needs to be adjusted, etc.) Talk with someone that can be objective and that doesn’t have the same demeanor as you – meaning if you are more timid in difficult conversations, role play with someone who can be more assertive. You will grow in skill and confidence by doing this activity a couple of times. Practice several times and edit your notes as you go. 

STEP 4: Re-write or re-type your notes and practice at home in front of the mirror so you can see your facial expressions and body language. If you need a mantra to keep you on track, have one. (Ex: “I have made my decision.”) Keep saying it to the other person if they try to get you off kilter or, “butter you up”. This will be very helpful for you regarding this and other interactions.

STEP 5: Have the conversation. Say what needs to be said. Pat yourself on the back when you are done. It may not have gone exactly as planned, but it went better than it would have without your practice.