Time: < 30 Minutes
STEP 1: Determine who you need to set boundaries with – friends, family, co-workers, a boss, spouse, sibling, a child. Most of us don’t know the importance of setting boundaries until those boundaries are violated, usually repeatedly. Prioritize internal discussions with yourself to acknowledge where your boundaries and expectations lie, so you are able to adjust or make changes when needed.
STEP 2: Determine if you need to set boundaries in all relationships, or just with certain people or situations. You might see a pattern of maintaining boundaries with people at work, but not with family or vice versa. Be patient with yourself. Realizing that some of your close relationships are negative or draining can be challenging to accept. This is an uncomfortable but important step on the road to reclaiming your life.
STEP 3: Once you’ve determined where and with whom you need to set boundaries, it is time to implement them. A counselor or therapist can be a great help when learning this new skill of setting boundaries. It’s important to have someone alongside you as you practice these new skills, whether it may be a friend, family member, or partner. In Henry Cloud and John Townsend’s book, Boundaries, it says, “you can create good, protective fences with your words. The most basic boundary-setting word is no. It lets others know that you exist apart from them and that you are in control of you”.
STEP 4: Like any new skill, this will take time and practice. Some days you may not set or maintain your boundaries effectively. Other days you may go overboard unnecessarily with setting them. Most people will understand if you make them aware that you are practicing being assertive (not aggressive or non-assertive). This is a lifelong habit that you’ll need to continue to practice.
STEP 5: Congratulate yourself as you take steps to a more confident you, because you are able to stand firm and be in control of yourself, and not allow others to control you.
