Time: < 30 Minutes
STEP 1: If you know a specific conversation is going to happen, write out the I-statements that you want to share.
STEP 2: If you are in the conversation, using I-statements (I think, I feel, I want, I believe, etc.) allow you to share your rationale without sounding accusatory. When you use you-statements (you did, you said, you told them, etc.) it immediately puts the other person on the defensive. Though sometimes it is imperative to use “you” to get your point across, try to start the statement with, “When you XXX, I felt XXX.”
STEP 3: Another tool to use is When…It Causes…I’d like… With these few words, you can show the other person what behavior you’d like to see in the future. This gives them a mental picture of what success looks like, while also hearing how their initial words or behavior made you feel. (Example: “When you are looking at your phone and texting while talking to me, it causes me to feel like I am interrupting you or that the other person is more important. I’d like it if you would put down your phone when we are talking so I can see that I have your undivided attention”).
