Time: < 30 Minutes
STEP 1: When you are discussing your wants and needs with others, determine if you are being non-aggressive (timid), assertive (share your wants/needs in a respectful way) or aggressive (get your needs met, but may be at the expense of others). Many of us know the answer to this question, but if you don’t, ask a loved one or two…they’ll be able to tell you.
STEP 2: Once you determine where you fall on the assertiveness spectrum, think about how you can dial it up or down. Do you need to stand up for yourself more? Do you need to learn to say no? Do you need to listen, watch your tone and/or be more empathetic when interacting with others?
STEP 3: Think of specific discussions that you need to have with others – with your boss, spouse, parent, friend, or child. Write down ideas of how you can be more assertive – what you should say or not say, how to respond, how to stand your ground respectfully, how not to get “run over”, etc. If you don’t know where to start, talk with a counselor or therapist, or purchase a book that helps with being more or less assertive. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, and Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated Expectations and Bad Behavior are two helpful books by Kerry Patterson.
STEP 4: Practice makes perfect. As with anything, this is a skill that you need to implement into your life and practice in order to perfect. You may go a little overboard when you first begin, as this is a new behavior and you are not as comfortable with yet. Many opportunities will present themselves to practice this skill when you are open to seeing them.
STEP 5: Congratulate yourself on each bit of progress you make. Keep practicing. You will feel better about your interactions, as will those who are interacting with you. This will increase your confidence in every interaction.
